TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES

 

Once again I found myself sitting at my desk at 5:30 am Thursday morning, wondering what in the world is wrong with me. It’s quiet all around me, the house is dark and still the only light that penetrates my thoughts is the office light. As I lean back in my chair I can only try and imagine what would have me up at this crazy time of the morning. I look at the pile of bills that lay on my desk waiting to be opened and I just push them aside, I stare at the ceiling for a few moments with a blank stare. I remember tossing and turning , pushing the covers off then pulling them back on again, the sound of the hubby snoring, I realize is not what woke me up, but the words Identity……… Truth…….. One word I heard over and over again was Courage.  Courage to step up; courage to believe God is in the hard places; courage to be obedient; courage to accept God's calling on my life; courage to say "yes" Courage to know the truth, tell the truth and accept the truth. Courage to know what my true identity was and is, the courage to understand truth or consequences. My thoughts go back to the game show Truth or Consequences, where people were invited from the audience to perform different outrageous, crazy messy stunts, because they could not answer the question correctly before the buzzer buzzed. Do you remember that? And the Truth or Consequences logo had a little halo over the word truth and there was a devil’s fork running up through the word Consequences. Bob Baker would end the show with, “May all your consequences be happy ones!”

My life was just like that game show, and some of the consequences were not happy ones. My life; just like the game show was about choosing the right drawer to find the right bonus prize. I think about all the times I came away with what I thought was a prize or a bonus, one sided relationships, un-healthy relationships, baggage that was not even mine, scars and bruises. I was worn out, worn down, beaten, and I saw myself as damaged goods. I was reliving my identity all over again, the identity of who I use to be and what I use to identify with, I was facing the truth of my past once again. I remember not wanting my life to be an open book because it was so banged up, I lived in fear of others judging me, pointing fingers and branding me. The consequences of my past were not happy ones, but they were surely markers and road maps that I had used when I traveled.  I traveled into uncharted waters and lands, relationships that were really not meant as a journey for me, but blind and hard headed like a wayward disobedient child I still played the game of Truth or Consequences. There were no bonuses or grand prizes, but a lot of tears and heart ache and pain. I had to wonder okay Lord why am I revisiting my past………. Quietly I listen for a response …………….. I hear nothing………..okay Lord I’m waiting here………………………….still nothing…………………………..then I heard Him!!!......................... GRACED LACED!! Graced Laced? Okay Lord I don’t understand, it’s 5:30 am and your daughters brain is in slow mode. I heard it again………………………………..Grace Laced! The things that must be addressed in your life seem much bigger than your time or energy……or your faith, there is but one choice TRUST Me, choose the truth and not the consequences. Little did I know the enemy was about to rear his ugly head, it was not that God was making me relive my past; it was that He was giving me a heads up on the enemy. And sure enough as daylight came so did the tricks of the enemy. He made me think that my present identity was farce, then the question started to flood in, who are you, are you really saved, really a child of God, do people really know the real you? Remember your first marriage, you claimed then you were a child of your God, but he failed you because your marriage failed, remember when your son was murdered, and you asked your God why and He never gave you an answer, did you get that answer yet?

Ahhhhh wait ….wait so called child of God, remember when you were suicidal, and you had a nervous breakdown, and family thought you were too crazy to be around, and they all talked about you? Ha ha remember when I had you on the run from your identity, and you left town to try and find yourself, did you? And better yet, remember when I made you believe that you were always alone because God left you alone by taking, your mother, and both brothers and your children were prodigal? Remember when I influenced you and them and your ex-husband to turn against each other, and your relationship with them were estranged, or how about this one, how about the time you were sexually molested by two family members? So you so called daughter of a King what is your identity, are you foolish like Job, though He slay you yet you trust Him? Whose spirit do you carry? And I will not lie a sense of fear rose up in me and for a moment I did feel all of those things the enemy combatted me with, I began to cry for a moment I felt defenseless, defenseless against things I could not see, against old drama, baggage hurts and pain, indiscretions, damaged relationships, Truth or Consequences. By now I’m crying like a baby and praying my husband do not come down to go to the bathroom, because I’m a wreck. And then it came to me TRUTH…………..GRACE LACED………..TRUST HIM……………….IDENTITY…………….COURAGE………COURAGE…...COURAGE!!!! After praying I felt a release in my spirit a reassurance of my identity, I know the truth, I trust Him, and I do have the courage to face the things in my life that must be addressed, even if it is past mistakes that keep popping up to make my faith and belief wavier. Prayer changes things, and scripture solidifies who you are and what spirit you carry, God is amazing and he has this amazing way of talking to me through scripture even when I think that he is not hearing me. I randomly opened my Bible that morning to the book of Romans and as reassuring daddy reassures His daughter that she is most defiantly a real daddy’s girl He spoke: For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:14-15. Now I understand GRACE LACED! I am so laced in his graced, because of the deliverance that it brings about, and because I did cry out Abba Father, I do not have to suffer the consequences of bondage, and fear, I do not have to think about the banged up life I use to identify with, It’s not who I am. Because I am GRACE LACED. I have mended relationships with my children and some family members. I am not so alone because I have a husband who goes out of his way, to remind me, to prove, to show and to cover me that my identity does not identify with my past and past people. And through all of this I have come to the conclusion that the only consequences of not trusting my father God is a life filled debauchery, broken dreams, heart ache and yes death, and the real beauty of my TRUTH or CONSEQUENCES is that I am forgiven for my past, and that in my present identity there are bonus prizes and grand prizes, the greatest prize and bonus is I know where I will spend eternity, because I am a  daughter of a King, my prize is an identity that says blessed, delivered healed, loved, alive, and redeemed, peculiar, amazing, gifted, I could keep naming some bonuses and prizes, but there is so much more to my journey that my now TRUTH or CONSEQUENCES are sweet , and in my best Bob Barker voice”” May all my consequences be happy ones””………………………………………..THEY ARE!!!  ~Indigokiss~